Literally the fucking dumbest thing anyone has ever put on the internet. The fucking Foodie Buddha put a doughnut on a popsicle, everyone. Then he ate them, together.

I mean, you know what, fine. I’ve been putting hagelslag on my muesli for months now. Some people eat salad dressing. Everyone alive is a gross pig. But most of us don’t blog about it. Jesus Christ. This man.

Okay, that was fun, briefly.

There, the four things I associate with home.

This should be a meme.

Feel like I’ve been saying this for years. Also, crying it, screaming it, barfing it.

One of these guys was a professor of mine, and he was awesome. Just so you know.

When did Serious Eats launch in Chicago?

That’s what’s going on here, right?

I had no idea people gave other people bling for crapping out an infant they co-engineered. Isn’t the baby the present? Is having a kid really so fucking horrible you have to be compensated?

I need to stop paying attention to these people.

That this is fucking news in Atlanta is the saddest fucking thing. The guy makes delicious if completely unremarkable popsicles, which are available fucking everywhere. I cannot believe his stupid mural got painted over after only two entire years. I thought this was America!

Anyway, this guy is not the mayor. This guy is. Foodie Buddha, you witless cow, how hard is it to fucking Google “mayor of atlanta”?

To my surprise, the menu for last night’s meal was significantly reworked from my initial trip.  As nothing on the menu informed me that it would change with any frequency, this was an observation doused in apprehension.

I’m so sick of coming up with clever ways to tell you, nonexistent reader, than Atlanta food journalism is a joke and Atlanta food bloggers are retards, especially this guy.

Griping about changing menus aside (god, dude, did you know there are restaurants that change their menu every day?), “this was an observation doused in apprehension”?

Just write I WAS APPREHENSIVE.

What what what the fuck with this man.